Bucklebury Ferry QRF - 8 Minutes Out
And then at some point last year, in a manner I can't quite remember, I discovered that I was not the only person on the planet for which a fleeting moment in The Lord of the Rings, Fellowship of the Ring had a deep and resonant impact.
As I write this, I'm trying to figure out how best to drop the scene in. Let's try this:
It's obvious to Merry that Frodo is serious trouble. The Hobbits have lived a gentle life of comfort and community, so being chased by terrifying wraiths on their grim steeds has got to be so far outside of anything they're accustomed to it's a wonder they haven't frozen to the spot. This bravery is a trait hinted at throughout the trilogy: Hobbits, despite being small in stature are remarkably hardy.
Snap Decish
FRODO
I have to leave the Shire. Sam and I must get to Bree.
MERRY
Right.Bucklebury Ferry.Merry is the kind of friend we should all wish to be. A millisecond of computation results in the decision to help his pals, regardless of terrifying risk, showing the core of his character.
As mentioned, this scene has been embedded in my consciousness since first viewing 23 (and counting) years ago.
Do You Have 8 Minutes?
Relatively recently, your homie and mine Simon Sinek posted a reel from a podcast with a pal of his about the '8 minute code' he and his friends have:
When someone is struggling or is in need, all they need is 8 minutes from a friend to hold space with them to make them feel better. And so now, we have a code word.
When one of us is struggling, the text is: 'Do you have 8 minutes?' And that simply means: I need you.
Needless to say, the result of seeing this (and listening to the entire podcast) was a flash of inspiration and the instant connections being made, to include Merry's bid to sprint towards Bucklebury Ferry with his companions.
The '8 minutes' Sinek refers to comes from an article his pal read in the NYT entitled "The Secret Power of the 8-Minute Phone Call" in which an interviewed psychotherapist named Claudia Glaser-Mussen says:
Hearing the sound of a loved one’s voice is emotionally regulating.
In eight minutes I can call my friend Mary Beth from high school, and say, ‘I love you so much, here’s what’s happening,’ or ‘Listen, I want to run something by you really quickly.’ It’s a short period of time, but you can get a lot in, and it’s deep enough that all the bonding hormones start to hit.
For me however, the 8 minute concept jumped from bantering on the phone with a loved one to being on 8 minutes notice to help anyone in any situation within the constraints of our current capacity. This is a notion I adore.
Three C's.
So then, if we start at loved ones and expand to anyone, we'll need capacity, capability and confidence in place.
Capacity
Some of us may be thinking that it's hard enough to get out of bed, make a cuppa and show up to work (roughly) on time, then how can we hope to be there for others and others' others?
We can't. Think of the plane analogy. Fit your own oxygen mask before assisting others.
Capability
Wanting to help AND being able to must be in alignment. Sometimes we might default to our zone of expertise to handle supporting someone when it isn't appropriate. In those situations, listening and asking questions may be a better choice than action based on our expertise. In total chaos, any action is better than none.
Confidence
The final piece is knowing enough about ourselves to feel we're able to offer support. To hold space (take a knee and listen) or create space (take action / clear the way) we need to know we have the tools to do so.
QRF: Quick Reaction Friend
The above prerequisites are fluid. We might not always be in a position to help, but we should always be able to assess if we can.
My aim for the remainder of 2024 and forward is to work on my capacity to support. To be a Quick Reaction Friend for whoever needs me and to be able to either hold 8 minutes of space or act within 8 minutes depending on the situation.
If we look further afield though the 8 Minutes Out lens, it can be applied in a general sense to the selfless defence of others, to casualty care, to forms of first response. Imagine a culture or society built around it. I don't think that's an impossible ask, but it all starts with you.
/EOF
Lore for Today
The 8 Min Out / QRF idea isn't particularly new in my head, but the three Cs and decision making portion was brought into more clarity after walking around the desert in Utah with some dear friends last weekend
Some of us tend to ignore ourselves in place of others and turn their nose up at the idea of "self care". I very much get that. A better way to look at it is by evaluating one's own capacity. The more we have, the more we have to give. You can't pour a pint into a thimble
GPT4 created that image for me. I reckon some people fail to realise that AI can be used as a collaborative tool to accelerate the development of ideas rather than a stochastic parrot that 'replaces' work(ers), art(ists) or whatever. I see AI as a potential collaborative avenue out of the dumb linear, cause-and-effect trough we've dug ourselves into
Stay tuned for when I create a logo design and website based on this concept at some point, then do nothing with it. Another Zielinski internet breadcrumb yassss