*So I only recently found out what this word means.
I thought I knew it meant "thoughtful" or "caring" but according to books that tell you the meaning of words that are now the internet*, turns out it's closer to "diligent".
The correct meaning seems way more depressingly bureaucratic ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .
This discovery was made on my journey through my new form of training (which I'll probably talk about some other time) - the mixed modal efforts have a higher discomfort level requiring more focus to ensure I don't not do it*. So aye: conscientiousness.
One of the personality horoscopes (big five) suggests that scoring high in conscientiousness relates to general success in life. After completing one of these personalty horoscope "tests" it was unsurprising to confirm I score incredibly low in conscientiousness. 'That makes sense.' Said I.
There's potential here to start navel gazing, having the opinion that some pop psych skull measuring is an indicator of whether or not I'll ever amount to anything - whatever the fuck that even means in a society cursed by hierarchies and the concept of growth at all costs.
I'm fortunate enough to understand why the score was so low.
'Why then?' you ask.
Because* for me, there has to be real, deeply resonant meaning behind what I'm doing to sustain caring about it and following though. Such things don't appear very often.
I used to consider myself a serial quitter, but have since realised it's a simple case of my interest meter running out on something that no longer aligns.
This might all relate to the Sacrifice post and can serve to highlight when attempting to codify human behaviour with simplistic scrutiny we should keep in mind 'it depends' has potential to be closer to the truth than any other output.
Lore for Today
*I will often write in a format with a cadence or structure I want whether or not there's a correct(er) or more efficient way to do it. The primary reason is probably the fact my English teacher was a bully so fuck you, them.